What's Freaking Next AARP????

Look what I found in my INBOX? 

Are you freaking kidding me?!?!!?

I want to start a complete investigation. I need to know just who the flip sent this company my email address! I demand to know!

What I really want to say is WTF! Do I look old enough to receive an email for a magazine called...

As We Change

On second thought~ DON'T FREAKING ANSWER THAT!

Not since I was called Natalie's Mom by a "kitten" in Panera Bread a few months back have I been so insulted! I mean really, I have my daughters friends telling her that I'm hot. Now I know that too is almost equally as disturbing and wrong but come on is there no middle ground anywhere in freaking sight people?

I refuse to go down without a fight and I for one will be writing this company and telling them that unless they want to deal with the wrath of millions of very emotionally fragile 30-something women beating down their front door they better do some type of Gallup poll to weed out the "still monthly bleeders" from the "dried up blue-hairs"! 

Please tell me this is some form of cruel joke? You know like the time in high school when Charlie-oh sorry Charles and his gang of dorks (if I had only been able to see as them as that my freshman year would have been so much easier) sent me a subscription to some weight-loss/exercise magazine. Wait, is Ashton Kutcher himself behind this...Am I being punked in my own office?~Dang I haven't showered yet today and I always look cute for my peeps~ where are those freaking cameras?

Here's what the email looked like.

Now I am no longer a rock hard kitten, not that me and rock hard were ever used in a sentence that my husband didn't put together, but do they really think I'm going to wrap that picnic blanket around my waist? Are you kidding me! After reading the description this a "waist slimming" bathing suit..really and I thought it was left over scraps from my Nannie's sun rooms curtains. Waste not want not!

Lets take a closer look shall we.

Lets move on to the little pictures at the bottom...

Now I will admit that my ONE crazy black chin hair has procreated like a family of nothin' better to do on Friday night bunnies and that my pregnant induced stache is still hanging around but this, this has crossed the line! Do you see that the picture under Personal Care has some form of twisted, braided metal torture device in it?~Is this to tear those wiry little hairs out? Have you had your arms hairs get stuck in the links of your bracelet or watch before? Oh for all that is holy that hurts like a Motha and it's just arm hair! Oh hold the phone Jack my stache and chin hairs are just fine without you!

But I guess if I want to FEEL BETTER, LOOK BETTER, LIVE BETTER and all at an up to 85% discount I should rip up that nasty threat letter and fill up my shopping cart. NOT!

**Disclaimer, if you are a As We Change customer, I apologize and we need to talk because I see a fashion intervention in your very near future!

Happy Tuesday Y'all