I feel like the worst Mom ever!
Back in March Peanuts hamster died, she was heartbroken. We went to replace him and she feel in love with a guinea pig. Much to my husbands disapproval I caved and let her get it. A few days later after hearing Honey complain of not getting one after "I asked first and was told no, yadda, yadda, yadda" I went back and bought a second one.
Now we've had Alice and Aphrodite since March and for the pass 7 months I have either had to loss my ever lovin' mind yelling at the girls to feed them and clean them or do it myself. I do not enjoy either one of those.
To say Alice and Aphrodite have been the root of many an argument and "Bad Mommy Moments" would be an understatement! After going Linda Blair on them yesterday the decision was made to finally follow through with my threats and take them to a local pet store for them find a new home.
As tears rolled down Peanuts cheeks and new promises were made for it to be different this time I did not cave but I did suffer a broken heart.
I'm the one that agreed to left her have Alice. I'm the one that went back and purchased Aphrodite for Honey. It was my decision and now I'm not holding up to it. But the thought of going another 6 years like this is honestly more than I can handle.
When Peanut went to bed last night she asked me if there was a pretty good chance she would come home and Alice would be gone. I was honest and said yes. I know she was crying as I turned her lights out.
I know that doing it without them will be easier than having them cry and plead in the store for "just one more chance" but I'm not looking forward to the end of the school day! I'm not looking forward to Peanut running to her room to see if they're still there and then crying when she sees they're not. I'm just NOT PREPARED to hurt her.
Even as I write this I'm not so sure I can go through with it. The guilt of being the one to inflict heartache on my children is overcoming me. I have a knot in my stomach and a lump in throat but losing my control and yelling at them is certainly no better than the temporary pain this will cause.
I need to remove the things that stand in the way of me being the best Mom I can be. Too much stress. Too many things on my to-do list. Overcommitting, even if the commitments are good ones. Too much of anything is never a good thing!
Being a Mom sure does suck sometimes!