Dear Lord please forgive me for saying...

This post comes with a warning. The I'm about to tell may be disturbing to many of you. I must also say that it is not a true story, well the story is true but the "story" is not. We are a normal, loving family. Babe and I love our children and as much as we love to joke around and have fun with them there are lines that we never cross! I'm sharing this story with you because like my blog title states "this is my crazy life and I wouldn't have it any other way".

Let me set the stage for you.

Peanut is sitting on the floor taking her breathing treatment.

I'm standing on top of the ladder fluffing the tree, the tree that must touch my 12' ceilings, in my jammies.

Babe is not happy with the way I'm standing on the ladder so he's standing beneath me holding the ladder, keeping me safe, being my Knight in Shining Armor. awwwwww

Honey is standing behind Babe but he does not know she's there.

OK, am I the only one that can already see that something inappropriate is about to happen here?

So, I'm standing on the very freaking top step of the ladder fluffing the tree when apparently the temptation of my unprotected ass became more than Babe could handle. So while I'm perched atop the ladder with busy hands he decides, still not knowing his 15 year old daughter is standing behind him, to poke his finger up my ass, no penetration just enough to make me jump WHILE STANDING ON THE TOP STEP OF THE FREAKING LADDER! Oh now this is nothing new, it's something he has found hysterical for years, his daughter on the other hand did not find it funny. At all! I heard her sharp inhale and could instantly feel the embarrassment rolling off my darling husband. I turned to him, very calmly because this is what I deal with on a regular basis, and say "you didn't know she was there did you?" The look on his face was priceless but what happened next was something I never expected!

Peanut, who we thought was oblivious to the situation, started laughing and honestly all that she said is a blurr but this is the jest.

Peanut- Mommy that reminds me of the time Daddy was laying on his tummy and I asked you where Daddys ticklish spot was and you said "here" and you stuck your finger in his butthole and Daddy started laughing.

Honey did find this funny and laughed so hard that she shot water from her mouth spraying the back of the couch and Babes head who had to sit upon hearing Peanuts finger-butthole-ticklish spot ramblings. I all but fell off the ladder while peeing my pants.

As not funny as that was it was really freaking funny!

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!

I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that that never happened!

NEVER!

The more I tried to tell her that she was way wrong the more adamant she became that she was right. I really am concerned! Where did that come from? The conversation ended with me having to raise my voice telling her to stop, that she was out of line, way wrong and to never say anything like that again.

Can you imagine her telling a friend, teacher or worse her Sunday school teacher that story?

So now she's in bed and I go in to tuck her in and listen to her prayers and she says this. "Dear Lord, please bless me while I sleep tonight, keep all of us safe and please forgive me of my sins like saying that my Mom stuck her finger up my Daddy's butthole", oh but she wasn't done, I had to sit there and keep it together while she continued thanking Him for a "Mom that takes such good care of me and takes me to the doctor when I'm sick and buys food for us all to eat" etc. etc.etc...

Now I ask you, could you have made it through prayers when that's what was being said?

Never a dull moment with these two I tell ya, never a dull moment!

Happy Tuesday Y'all!