If your flight is delayed twice you will need a good friend...
... to have a strong drink or two with.
If your flight is cancelled and you are forced to stay alone in a hotel and have dinner solo you will need a drink and about $80 to cover cab fare and dinner.
If the next day, after getting up at 3:30 am, your flight is cancelled again you will need a blanket/pillow and an empty row of seats so you can become one of those not-so-happy-stuck-at-the-airport people you see on the news.
You will also need to try your hardest to find a decent lunch that does not go over the $6 voucher the airlines so generously supplied you with for your "inconvenience". May I suggest a styrofoam carton packed full of mystery meat smothered in BBQ sauce? I have never been so thankful to have a malt beverage to wash my food down! I do believe it's one step above prison food!
You will also need the ability to stifle your laughter upon learning the only difference between flying with the common folk and first class is about $200 and the ability to walk on the plush carpet on the other side of the red rope!
When you're finally in the air you will need to understand that even though it's only 6 am it is 5 o'clock somewhere and not
And finally you will need large quantities of hand sanitizer because you just never know what you may come in contact with!