Friday, February 25, 2011

Bring on the confessions!

I confess...

Wednesday was a half day of school for my girls, a total waste of a day if you ask me, so I let them both stay home from school! Peanut spent the day with her Mimi & Grampee at Islands of Adventure and Honey and I escaped to the beach.

I confess...

That I tormented Impulsive the entire way there with Hey Tells and pictures of the view.

I confess...

That two woman, I think mother and daughter, made me laugh out loud when they came out from inside their "beach tent" in matching bathing suits!

I confess...

That I think I have the most beautiful and photogenic 16 year old ever!

I confess...

That I love this towel Sami made for me!

I confess...

Celeia Rivenbark makes me laugh. As soon as I'm done with her 2 books I'm reading I'll be more than happy to pass them on, just send me a message telling me you want them and they're all yours!

I confess...

Karma is a real bitch and she totally paid me back for tormenting my friend! We weren't on the beach 30 minutes before fog rolled in. I have never seen fog like this on the beach in my 18 years here, it was bizarre!

I confess...

That my big 'ol boy Rogue is terrified of the camera. I've documented him getting in trouble so many times that I think he now associates the camera with getting yelled at and having to go to his cage. When he saw me grab my camera this morning so I could download these pictures he ran off. I called him back to show him it wouldn't hurt him and he stood there and peed. Yeah, that's one bad ass guard dog I've got there!

I confess...

That I am completely and totally addicted to Fresca! I drink 6-8 cans a day! It has replaced my beloved Diet Dr. Pepper. I think it's just carbonated water, I think. It has some sodium but that's it. Could the extreme amounts of carbonation I'm consuming be stopping me from loosing the weight I want? Hmmmm

I confess...

Thursday after Bible study I went for sushi allbymyself. It was the first time I have ever eaten alone and it wasn't that bad. I got a head start on my homework and enjoyed the quite.

I confess...

That while I was driving through the parking lot to get my sushi on I said a not so nice thing a man {I use that word loosely here} driving an ice cream truck in front of me 2 mph. Because I know you're going to ask and because I don't want to type it a dozen times in an email reply this is what I said, please know I'm not proud of myself and I so needed to turn around and go back to church! I think it was something like this..."Dude, yeah you, you freaky child predator driving an ice cream truck through a shopping plaza. No one is gonna come out from the Little Caesar pizza wanting a bomb pop so just put your penis back in your pants and drive already!" See, terrible I know, and probably more truthful than I really care to admit!

Thanks Mama for such a wonderful linky, I love getting all of this off my chest. But like I said Wednesday, all of the above May Or May Not be the truth!


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I May or May not have...

Mama can we talk about your Friday Confessional? I think that by calling your linky "Friday Confessional" it says that the things I list actually happened. I hate admitting that I am guilty of anything! Because of that I would much rather refer to the things I list as things that May or May Not Have have happened!

I confess...that telling you how I feel makes me feel so much better!

Last Friday I May or May Not have had two friends come over and chill for a bit while I got ready for dinner and drinks with the "triangle.

These same friends May or May Not have helped me get ready. One helped with my hair while the other played in my make up.

These same friends May or May Not have gone out for dinner and drinks with the "triangle" and had the time of their lives.

While we were out I May or May Not have had one, two, three, four, OK five martinis and it May or May Not have totally kicked my ass that night. {Note to self, never have that many martinis on a near empty stomach again!} I was however amazingly fine the next morning.

While I sipped slowly on my Razztini my friend drank water with lemon, she refused to drink Diet Coke.

This is my favorite picture from the night. My new friend and I are tight! Yep, that's how we roll, two straws one drink!

My IRL friends May or May Not understand the dynamics of my new friendships but they love me and all of my quirkiness anyway!

D tried to make me feel better about my recent vlog booby mishap. She May or May Not be making fun of me but it made me laugh so I don't care!

R's not quite there yet but she'll come around, I have faith. She's been a true friend for 12 years I don't see my new friends becoming a real problem!

My new friends May Or May Not be paper dolls but I sure had fun playing with them for a few hours! Thanks for joining me for a night out ladies it was fun. Oh, and, umm, what happened in the bathroom can stay our little secret mmmkay!

Monday, February 21, 2011

The truth will set you free!

Thanks for playing along last week with my 5 truths and a lie game, it was so much fun learning that I really can lie!

Three people actually guessed it correctly, Mimi, Blue Voilet and Xazmin. Like I promised I will be sending a little something to the person that guessed my lie and that made me laugh. Mimi you knowing that I have a "penchant for pissing myself" made my day! YOU WIN! I will be sending you something in the mail soon!

Now to unveil the truth for everyone...

#1- Sadly, I did steal a Christmas tree. It was 1989, I was young, stupid and very broke. It was wrong. I repented. I have moved on and can obviously laugh about it now.

#2- I have gained 15 pounds, actually more. It's horrible! I have no self control! I will get it off before May when I meet all of my Bloggy-Besties in Dallas!

#3- Yep, I got busy with my hubby in the back seat of his car at our local Bed, Bath and Beyond {in the back of the building where no one could see, I'm not that crazy}. We finished dinner early and had an hour to kill before the movie...whatever, we're just keeping things spicy!

#4- I was in a bicycle accident and did loose all of my front teeth. It was years of ugly teeth, no smiles and ridicule from the mean girls! Time has been good to me, time and the money needed for good veneers!

#6- Much to the dismay and horror of many of you I did pee my pants in public and had to ride home sitting on a grocery bag. The story is too long to tell here but it's true and happened about 8 years ago.

5- This is my lie...well most of it's a lie anyway. Babe and I did go on a company trip to Montana, it was an amazing week full of horseback riding, fly fishing and hiking. I could have done without being forced to wear matching American Flag denim shirts {all 20 of us} to dinner via horseback but that too is another post! We did go on a hike were we came across fresh bear tracks and scat but the bear was no where to be seen.

June 2003

I have however been attacked by a bear, just not in the woods of Montana. Here's the proof!

Mimi, watch for your prize within the week.

Happy Monday y'all!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Friday Confessional

Is it Friday already?

I don't mean that to sound like a bad thing.

I'll try again.

Is it Friday already!

That means 2 things. One, tomorrow is Saturday and two today is Friday Confessional! Dang I amaze myself sometimes with my brilliance!

I confess...
I locked my sweet baby girl in the car, windows up without the car running, for over an hour Tuesday afternoon. Now I know you're all thinking that both of my girls are old enough to unlock the doors themselves and although you are correct this particular baby girl doesn't have opposing thumbs therefor unlocking the doors herself was an impossible task. She waited patiently in the front seat of the car for her Daddy to come home from work with the extra set of keys for 70 minutes! {In my defense, she actually locked herself in the car. I tossed my purse on the passenger seat, she jumped in, I closed the door and her nail managed to hit the lock button on the key fab which was buried at the bottom of my purse. What are the freaking chances?!!? I should have played the lottery and let her pick the numbers by dipping her paw in paint and stepping on a number chart!}

How pathetic! She got out of the car and I swear I heard her say "bitch, in order for it to be a car ride the car actually needs to move!"

I confess...
I was a freaking nervous wreck! I sat diligently at the car window prepared to smash the window in with one of the tools collecting dust in Babes toolbox if I thought she was in any danger. It was definitely an "I need a two xannax to sleep tonight" kind of night!

I confess...
That once she was safely out of the car I took her to McDonalds for her favorite doggy treat!

Ice cream makes every girl feel better!

I confess...
That I'm going to miss the day when I can no longer make cute little things for my girls! I don't think they exchange Valentines in Middle School do they? I asked Honey if she wanted me to make some for her to pass out to her friends. Her response? Just a look,. You know the look, the "I'm so annoyed with you" look that can only be given by a teenage girl. Last time I try to be nice!

Personalized chocolate bars for her classmates and chocolate covered pretzels for the teachers. {Can someone please tell me what else I need to do to get my child the Star Student of the Month award for her class! I'm a little scared that this may be her first year not getting that very prestigious award. What is wrong with these people don't they know that Mama needs an updated bumper sticker! I would hate to have to steal one from another car}

I confess...
When I took off my jammies Thursday morning to take a shower...I may lose friends over this one...they were the same jammies I had put on Monday night. Totally gross I know but I'm just trying to keep it real here people cuz that's how I roll! My pants are standing on their own in the laundry room and the dictionary now says "See Shawn" when you look up Dirty Butt but I could really give a rats ass.

So, this week I have been a bad doggy mamma, have felt a bit melancholy about my girls growing up all while redefining skank! Do I have skills or what?

It's been a stellar week!

How about you? Got something to confess? If so head on over and tell The Mama because well, she cares and I don't!


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Vlog Reminder

Come back here or visit Mamarazzi on Tuesday, March 1st to link up!

In the mean time please send in some questions and show and tell ideas for April!

Dang it! Although I did look at the camera almost the entire time I forgot to have on a "good face" for both the opening and closing frames.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My Strange Addiction?

Have ya'll seen this show?

I don't watch much TV and this is the perfect example why!

I am the only one in the house that does not need the TV on every freaking waking moment.

During the day the house is quite and I love it.

Honey's organizing her backpack and has this show on. It's mind boggling what these people do. It is so absurd that I have no choice but to question its validity!

This lady has been eating kitchen cleaner, the white abrasive powder that will eat the finish off the bathtub if over used, every day for 30 years.

Come on!

I don't know, maybe I should be on a different show, one for being so cynical!

Man do I miss Friends, Seinfeld and ER!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Is it 5 truths and a lie...or is it 5 lies and a truth?

I'm not sure which is which but since Mimi was more official and actually tagged me and...AND...she gave me an award to go with it I'm going with 5 lies and a truth.

Here's the deal, you're supposed to figure out which one of the below statements is the truth. You can tell me your guess via comment or email me personally {} if you prefer to keep your answer from other readers. The first person to get the correct answer is the winner and may or may not earn a little sumthin', sumthin' in the mail from me!

I know what you're saying "another lucky reader is going to get something in the mail from Shawn?" and the answer is YEP! It's February, the month of LOVE, and I'm feeling generous!

There are however rules.

1. If you share the same DNA as me, or are close enough that we would give each other a kidney than you can only comment via email and will only be gifted with the knowledge that I love you!

2. If you have the correct answer and just put it out there..."# whatever is true"...and someone else goes the extra mile to add more meat to their comment or if they happen to make me laugh than I reserve the right to choose the winner as I see fit.

Mkkay Pumpkins!

** Ok the longer I sit here trying to make up lies that are believable the more I understand why IA did it the way she did. So, this has now been edited to be 5 truths and a lie. Can you find the lie?**

1. I stole a Christmas Tree. But, BUT it was for a friend who was going to go through Christmas with no tree because she couldn't afford it and being the caring, broke, stupid and very young friend that I was I did what had to be done to give her a Merry Christmas!

2. I have gained 15 pounds which means nothing but my Juicy bottoms and yoga pants fit. I am officially heavier than I have been in 3 years! I will be working my butt off, literally I hope, between now and our upcoming BBF weekend in Dallas!

3. While sharing some "quality time" with my husband in the backseat of his car in the parking lot of Bed Bath & Beyond the car alarm went off sending me into complete panic mode. Can you say mood breaker?

4. I was in a bicycle accident when I was in the 2nd grade and lost my 4 front teeth, 2 of which were adult teeth. I would spend the next 8 years battling a rapidly growing mouth, braces, the awkward tween years and the torment of my schools mean girls!

5. Babe and I spent a week in the beautiful mountains of Montana with several other couples from his company. One of our activities was a guided hike through the woods that surrounded Yellowstone National Park. While we were literally in the middle of no where we crossed the path of a huge grizzly bear. Thank God no one was hurt but do y'all know how close I came to being mauled by a bear?!!?

6. Babe and I were out with a group of our best friends. Someone said or did something funny I fell to the floor laughing and peed my pants. My bladder completely emptied on the floor. In a public place. I had to make the walk of shame to the car and sit on grocery bag on the way home. The only up side was...well, yeah there wasn't one!

And because I am a rule follower...

I have to tag 5 people to play along. This is a fun tag {it could have been even more fun without certain readers, I would hate to loose my favorite daughter status or send my children to counseling} so I'm encouraging you all to participate, if you do please come by and let me know so I can come check out your "truth or lies"!

3. Becca

Thank you Mimi for this lovely award! I plan on having it framed where it will sit in my office next to Santa!

I'm going to the big D and I do mean Dallas!

It's been discussed for far too long.

It's time to stop all the big talk and actually put something in place!

Who's up for a bloggy get away?

That's right I said Bloggy Get Away!

How wonderful does 2-3 days with all of your BBF's {Bloggy Best Friend} sound? It sound like almost more fun than I can handle!


* Although it's south Dallas is a fairly central city for everyone.
* DFW is one of the largest, if not the largest, airports and according to one very smart BBF it should be easy to get in and out of from any city you're coming from and hopefully a little less expensive too.
* I know it's not Florida but it is a warm state. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that this insane winter most of y'all have been getting a pounding from will not join us {I have absolutely nothing cute and warm}.


* I'm thinking a Friday-Sunday will work best.
* To help avoid winter weather I also think a weekend in March or April will be good, any further into the year and I'll go crazy from the anticipation!
* Here are a few dates that will work for three BBF's already 100% in! April 1-3 * April 8-10 * May 20-22.
* I've limited it to three dates to prevent it from becoming too hard to find one that works for most everyone. Please look over your calendar, talk it over with your husband, check airfare for those dates, choose one that works best for you and let me know as soon as you can. I will announce the "winning date" based on the highest amount of BBF's able to attend.


* We will/can share rooms to help keep the cost down.
* I want to move fairly quickly so that I can book my flight before rates go too crazy and get it on my calendar before anything else gets added. So within the next 7-14 days I will start getting everything in order. We will make all hotel decisions {I will need help from anyone familiar with Dallas as to not book us at the roach-motel} and choose roommates as a group. If you happen to join in late, no big deal you'll just be stuck with whatever hotel we choose and either rooming alone or on a cot in another room.

I'm hoping this will be a great weekend and will become something that we will do at least a couple of times a year in different locations or maybe even a cruise!

I'm totally JAZZED about this and have already started eating better and working out again so I can wear my jeans comfortably and not look like I eat small children for breakfast!

Come me in the big D, I know you want to!

Happy Valentines Day!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I love me some Pink!

Finally! Here is my PINKtastic post!

Amy at Escape Into My Thoughts truly out did her self. Amy, I love everything, thank you, thank you, thank you!

It was on time, I'm sure because it was mailed to the sunshine state where there was no snow delays, and all wrapped in pink. What girl doesn't love good mail that's all for her and pink?!!?

Look at all of the goodies she had in that box. She wasn't kidding when she said she stuffed it!

Here are all of my goodies all laid out and marked. Click on the picture only if you want to be jealous that Amy was my swap partner and not yours!

All of this pink deliciousness wouldn't have happened without the most wonderful hostess...Mamarazzi! I totally ♥ "The Mama"! You'll want to visit her, follow her and show her some love to make sure you're part of her next swap, you never know you may very well get partnered with me!


Saturday, February 12, 2011

I've got friends in low places....maybe?



Reply emails.

Its all a part of this crazy blogshere we belong to and our desires to be liked and accepted.

I love it when my fellow bloggers are honest about their need for comments {I'm one of them and I'm not afraid to say I want to hear from you} because after all comments validate what we have said whether people agree or disagree. We put time and thought into our posts and it's nice to receive a response! Am I right?

As a blogger I make new friends all of the time. Some even become true friends. Friends that I would jump on a plane for if they needed my help. Friends that I enjoy talking to via email, text, twitter, face book, hey tell and in person over an ice cold Patron margarita.

But with this, dare I say, odd friendship making technique comes the chance of making a friend I would really rather not have. The friend that makes me feel a little uncomfortable although I just can't put my finger on a reason why. You the know the friend I'm talking about don't you?

Go back to high school for just a minute, think about the weird boy that lived next door that wanted to say hi to you in the hallway when you were with your girlfriends so you avoided eye contact as to not give him the opportunity {please tell me I wasn't the only bitch walking the high school hallways!}. This is the same guy that has looked you up after 20+ years and friend requested you on FB and because you've grown up and you're not the shame cold and shallow girl you were in 1988 you accepted his request. Now he posts continuous off color comments and has embarrassed you into hiding him on your home page. He had ultimately forced you to revert back to the person you were when you were the same age as your daughter!

Can anyone else hear Julia Roberts say that clicking on that accept button was a "Big Mistake, Big, Huge!"?

This same guy can creep, literally, into every area of your life, even your blog if given the chance.

So what do you do when you find yourself with a new "friend" that you really wish you didn't have? This is what I'm doing. I'm watching him/her like a hawk because you know what they say, keep your friends close and your enemy closer. It's also kind of like a car accident, I just can't help but to look. Not being friends with this person leaves me wondering what is going to be said and the thought of being left out of a good laugh is just more that I can handle!

Now I want your opinion...

What do you do when you find yourself in an uncomfortable position with someone wanting to be your friend on FB or worse, wanting to be a part of your own little corner of the blogsphere?

I'm anxious to hear and possibly learn a thing or two from y'all!

Happy List

In my attempt to focus on the happy things in life I'm playing along with The Mama again this week.

Today what makes me happy is knowing that tomorrow I get to celebrate the 3rd birthday of these two little cuties!

We tried to find a "you pick" strawberry field but came up empty. I really don't think they cared that we went to a farmers market and "picked" any fruit they wanted instead.

It also makes me happy that their cakes look like this! I cannot wait to see their little faces when I walk in with these cakes and cupcakes!

Seriously can you think of anything more happy than 2 adorable 3 year old and 2 yummy birthday cakes?!!?

Now head on over to Mamarazzis and link up you Happy List!


Friday, February 11, 2011

Friday Confessional

It's Friday which can only mean one thing, it's time for my Friday Confessional!

I confess...

That I have never been more embarrassed. EVER!

I made a video to help introduce the new monthly linky I'm co-hosting with Mamarazzi. It was to be full of information and funny. It was not supposed to be full of my boobs!

Seriously I'm shaking as I type this and I think I need to go take some Imodium AD because my stomach sounds and feels like it's about to implode!

I was so concentrated on making sure I covered every detail {I forgot the Show and Tell portion} and looking at the camera that I didn't even realize how voluptuous my girls were until after I went back to review the video.

As I watched the video I noticed several things, my hair looked like crap, I needed some serious eye baggage control, I need to make a hair appointment and my shirt was much lower than I was comfortable with. I wanted to keep the video real and me looking a hot mess is more real than me looking like I do on date nights so I made the decision to not redo the video.

It wasn't until I received a few booby comments that I went back and really reviewed the video. I was looking at the video as a whole when I initially reviewed it and although my girls did look like they wanted to come out and play my hands covered them most of the time so I thought no big deal. It was brought to my attention in a private and very nice email that it looked as if one of my nipples was winking at the camera.


I had on a full coverage bra and at no time were any personal, offensive to others, pole dancing parts of me exposed!

The bra I had on was leopard print. It has a pink edging. There were shadows. It was a shadow. I will go down yelling ITWASASHADOW!

Would I show a few chosen friends my boobs? Well ummm yeah. I may or may not have plastered them against the glass doors when my chosen friends wouldn't come outside and sit in the hot tub with me because it was "too cold" outside. But I assure you I would NEVER show them to anyone other than those 4-5 girls {and it would be a very quick glance at that} and my hubby. I am for the most part a very modest gal!

I love a laugh and I have learned that in order to laugh at others you have to be ok with laughing at yourself so I will not be taking the video down like I had originally planned. Instead I'm gonna go with it and turn it into a learning experience and this is what I have learned. The video that I shot of myself yesterday showing my hidden talent...I have on a scarf!

I'll wrap up this mortifying post by sharing with you a Haiku that was written just for me by Connie...

A lovely vlog for all
A how-to show and tell
Shawn's twins have gone Rogue

Now head on over and link up your very own mortifying Friday Confessional, please it will make me feel so much better if you do!


I almost forgot....

Last week I offered up a prize to whoever came up with the best title or caption for this picture of me.

I have to say that Vivienne nailed it with "There's gonna be free Patron?!"

So Viv, watch your mail cuz I'll be sending you something cheap fabulous soon!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Are you ready to Vlog?

Hopefully everyone knows about the new and upcoming Monthly Vlog hosted by Mamarazzi and Shawn. If you have no idea what I'm talking about go here before you go any further!

So I have decided to help ease y'all into vlogging by doing a little vlog before the linky party begins.

It's not as painful as many of you think and I'm here to say that if I can do it and make an ass of myself than so can you!

A few things I forgot to say in the video.

1. If you choose to use You Tube you need to have an account, this is a very simple process so don't even think about using "I don't have a You Tube account" as an excuse to not participate!

2. It took me all of 2 minutes to upload my video, copy and paste the embedding code directly onto my post so the 'ol "I didn't have enough time to get it done" excuse isn't gonna fly either!

3. If you don't want your video available to You Tube stalkers be sure to mark the UNLISTED box, this will only allow people how have the code to view your video.


I have reviewed this video several times and I have the following to say...

I really should have considered freshening up my hair and makeup before I did this! I'm a complete nut case! I blink way too much. I say ummm a lot. I need to get a good nights sleep because those bags under my eyes are huge. I do need to schedule a hair appointment but it's really not as bad as it looks in the video. And I really needed to check my cleavage before I clicked on the start button...sorry if I offend anyone!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

She's a Trooper!

During Sundays softball tournament Peanut was hurt, insert total face here!

She stole 2nd with a perfect slide. She was safe! She got up and the look on her face did not have the look of excitement on it that it should have. She was clearly in pain. She was taken out of the game which then made her facial expression go from slightly miserable to more than slightly pissed!

I checked on her in the dugout and learned that she had grit, gritted, ummm grit- clenched her jaw so hard that the loose tooth she had been messing with had come out and she had twisted her ankle. She has horrible ankles but seemed more concerned about the tooth so I didn't think too much more about it. I gave her some Motrin and she sat out the rest of the tournament. Insert another sad face here!

On the bright side she was awarded "Star of the Game". Her coach said anyone who stole a base with such force that they came up spitting teeth was more than deserving of this award. I agree!

It wasn't until the drive home that she let us know how bad her ankle really hurt. When we got home and took a look we found a slightly swollen and somewhat green ankle. The next day was a field trip that is only offered to 5th grades and one that cannot be made up so she once again sucked it up to attend the field trip. By the time she got home her ankle was twice its size and she was having a hard time walking on it.

A trip to the after hour pediatrics office showed no break, thank God, but she does have a pretty good sprain and will need to stay off of it for about a week.

She is a very active kid so to say that the crutches have been a little hard for her to deal with would be an understatement! We may try walking on it tonight...wish us luck!

Getting ready to steal 2nd

Yep, definitely not an "I'm ok" face!

Stars of the game! Madi also received the game ball for an amazing diving through the air catch for the 3rd out!

24 hours later

She finally got the hang of the crutches today and has stopped using her armpits. She's not been a real happy camper during the learning process so this smile was worth documenting!

Hopefully wearing the new compression ankle stocking will help with her weak ankle in the future because now that she actually has crutches they are so not cool!

"I can't believe I ever wanted these stupid things" very careful what you wish for!

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