Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Laughing so hard I can't catch my breath!

Anyone who knows me well enough to text with me knows that I absolutely suck at it!

I make horrible errors all of the time. 

It's embarrassing really.

One of these days I know I'm going to find one of my text-gone-wrong on DYAC.

If I ever do I have no doubt it will be well deserved!

If you need a good laugh take a minute and go here if nothing else it will prove to you that I am not alone and that many others are texting illiterates! 

Just in case you don't have the time to visit the site I've included a few of my favorites. There are so many that had my eyes watering from laughing so hard but they are way too bad to put on my blog!

I think I may have a new addiction! 

OK OK I'm stopping now!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

June Vlog reminder

Thanks Becca for this months topic, I cannot wait to see what everyone has planned for their summer!

Myya, you rock sister! Thanks for sending your peeps our way.

Just in case I forgot some vital information, which I usually do, please go visit my partner  Mamarazzi, she has all the details written out for you.

I'm looking forward to seeing you all June 7th!


Friday, May 27, 2011

What did she say?

The ladies from Harried Mom of Four, Impulsive Addict, JennyKate's Spot, Seriously Shawn, The Texas Darlings and The V-Spot just spent a fun weekend in Austin, Texas. 

Keepin' Austin Weird from Rebecca Darling on Vimeo.

Keep Austin Weird is Austin's slogan...so the six of us tried to do our part! We shared our senses of humor, a lot of laughs and a ton of off the cuff comments {some too inappropriate to share here}. We decided to write down the funny comments that were said and turn them into a contest for all of our readers. The winner will receive Austin souvenirs, picked out by all six of us.

The contest is very easy. Below you will find six quotes and six pictures. Match up the quote with who you think said it. For example, if you think blogger A was the person who said quote #4, your answer is A=4. Leave your match-ups for A-F in ONE comment.

The contest is running on all six blogs, but there is no need to leave multiple entries, but do go and visit all of these fab ladies. At the end of the contest, the reader with the most correct answers {or ties for the most correct answers} from each blog will have their name entered in a drawing. The random drawing will be held on Friday June 3rd and the winner will be announced that same day. {Then they can watch their mail box for the six separate little Austin-gifts that will be coming their way...}

Sounds fun, yes?

Here we go...
1.} Well clearly he wants to play a game called Just The Tip!
2.} Oh, that's even worse sober!
3.} He looks like a porn-star with that phony-tail and a 9th grade mustache!
4.} I'd rather be juvenile than an old fart!
5.} I think I just peed on my shoes a little.
6.} I don't know how to knick-knack my house so I don't know how to knick-knack me.

A. Becca- The Texas Darlings
B. JennyKate- JennyKates Spot
C. Jen-Harried Mom of Four
D. Vivienne- The V-Spot
E. Seriously Shawn
F. Impulsive Addict 

Have fun and good luck!

Here are some more quotes, just because they're too funny to go unmentioned!

* Did I shower last night? {Vivienne}
* No more free drinks! {JK}
* Ooh my sphincter! {Shawn}
* We brought the flats {Mimi & Mamarazzi} out last night but they got wet. {Becca}
* I've always wanted fallopian tube art! {Vivienne}
* I can't get it in the hole, Shawn. {JK}
* I might have just tinkled a little. {JK}
* We had pizza last night...right? {Vivienne}
* I just drank matches. {IA}
* Tapas? I don't want to go to a topless restaurant! {Shawn} 
* When I get waxed I yell Bradley Cooper! {Shawn}
* Either I'm in a disco or this room is spinning. {JK}
* Well if the spasm is from an orgasm than it's a good spasm! {Shawn} 
* Does he have his penis out? {IA}
* Walk away while you still can Tony Rogers {a comedian we ran into while having pizza at 4 in the morning}, we will suck you in! {JK}
* Asms are good it's the isms you need to stay away from! {Porn star waiter who clearly was listening to our conversation!}

Thursday, May 26, 2011

What I learned while at the airport for over 24 hours

If your flight is delayed twice you will need a good friend...

... to have a strong drink or two with. 

If your flight is cancelled and you are forced to stay alone in a hotel and have dinner solo you will need a drink and about $80 to cover cab fare and dinner.

If the next day, after getting up at 3:30 am, your flight is cancelled again you will need a blanket/pillow and an empty row of seats so you can become one of those not-so-happy-stuck-at-the-airport people you see on the news. 

You will also need to try your hardest to find a decent lunch that does not go over the $6 voucher the airlines so generously supplied you with for your "inconvenience". May I suggest a styrofoam carton packed full of mystery meat smothered in BBQ sauce? I have never been so thankful to have a malt beverage to wash my food down! I do believe it's one step above prison food!

You will also need the ability to stifle your laughter upon learning the only difference between flying with the common folk and first class is about $200 and the ability to walk on the plush carpet on the other side of the red rope!

When you're finally in the air you will need to understand that even though it's only 6 am it is 5 o'clock somewhere and not judge others for having a couple of beers attempt stealing someone else's beer.

And finally you will need large quantities of hand sanitizer because you just never know what you may come in contact with!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

I was gonna bail but I love you too much

You all know that IA, Janette, Mamarazzi and I rotate asking the questions right? Well, this week they are my questions and I didn't think I was going to be able to participate. Here's why...

My last post I let everyone know that I was heading to Texas, Austin to be exact, to meet up with five of my best bloggy girls. I was supposed to be home Monday morning...I've been home for 13 hours {it's 10 am WEDNESDAY}. I wouldn't be lying if I told you my travels rivaled Planes, Trains and Automobiles! Seriously, not a good story!

I will compare my trip to an Oreo. I'll eat the outside cookie {my trip there and home} if I have to but I much prefer the white goodness {meeting my friends} in the middle. Here's one picture to show you how wonderful it was. More pictures and a surprise or two are coming soon!

Now for the questions, they're a real must!

1.} What must you do before you go to bed at night?
2.} What is one thing you must snack on at the theater?
3.} Before going on vacation what must you do?
4.} What is one thing you must do every day?
5.} Is there something you do that must be done in a particular order?

1.} I must have a clean kitchen before going to bed, I do not want to wake up to ick in the kitchen! I also need to make sure that the dogs have gone pee one last time, that the doors are all locked and rechecked, that the garage doors are down, that the outside lights are turned on, that the girls are tucked in, that all inside lights are turned off, I usually start a load of laundry so I can get a head start in the morning, I open the dishwasher door and close it quickly to stop the "I'm done" beep from going off every 3 minutes, I fold the blankets that we all curled up with while watching a little TV, I take my blood thinner, I brush my teeth, I take my contact out and I wash my face. And my husband wants to now why I crawl into bed 10 minutes after him every night! 

2.} A movie at the theater just will not do without popcorn, a large half cherry coke half diet coke, and Twizzlers. I also ask for a little of the popcorn salt they use to pop the popcorn with so I can dip each bite of popcorn in it. High sodium much?

3.} Before leaving on a vacay I must clean my house and change my sheets. My parents always come stay with my four legged children and I want my house clean for my Mom and the sheets ready for them to crawl into bed after taking care of their Granddogs all day. I also shop for new clothes. There's something about taking the tags off of new clothes that screams vacation!

4.} Well I should say vacuum every day, these dogs are a mess, but I would be lying. I must start every day off with a hot cup of coffee in front of the computer, I need to see what I missed while I slept!

5.} My shower routine never changes. If I go out of order I will get out with conditioner still in my hair, one leg not shaved and my body not washed. Seriously, I have a mushy brain. Shampoo, conditioner, shave, pumice heels, wash body and rinse hair, always in that order. I swear I've blown my hair dry more than once not knowing why it felt so strange because I've gone out of order and forgotten to rinse it.

OK, now it's your turn but please remember the rules. Grab the button, try to keep it family friendly, link to your WWTK post and give all four of the hostesses a little linky love!

I'm glad I'm home, sleeping in my own bed last night was heavenly. I'll be back soon because I cannot wait to share all of my Austin experiences with you. It was a trip I will never forget!


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Let the good times roll!

You will not find me here until Tuesday, I'm taking a little bloggy break for the next few days.


Well today I am getting ready {tanning, lunch with a friend, packing, cleaning, laundry etc} for my trip to...

To meet...

Becca from the Texas Darlings. We have already shared a margarita {or two} this will be visit number two for us. Becca, you need a picture of just you!

 Impulsive Addict & JennyKate. You girls need solo pictures too! 

 Jen from Harried Mom of Four. Jen, I know you were at a 80's party but it was one of the only pictures of just you I could find! 

And Vivienne from The V-Spot. Thank you for having a picture of just yourself. What is wrong with the others not having solo pictures? I have a ton, you have a few. Does this mean we're narcissistic? Well, if the shoe fits I'll wear it, if it's a little uncomfortable I'll just slap on a Band aid! 

Y'all, we have been planning this trip for months. The fact that it is finally here is making me straight up giddy! I have butterflies of excitement in my tummy. I have been planning my wardrobe for weeks, looking anything less than freaking adorable {I gave up hot years ago} will simply just not do. I have even packed on a few extra pounds, well that was definitely not to impress them but you know what, they love me for me and not what I look like so it's all good. 

I have true friendships with these girls and I would do anything I could for them. I have a ton of IRL girlfriends and most of them understand these friendships and are very supportive of my ifreinds {Internet friends}. I am so excited to add these five ladies to my list of IRL friends!

Ladies, let the good time roll, preferably with Patron        {or Captain} around ice cubes!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

We Want to Know Wednesday Q&A

It's been four weeks since Impulsive Addict, Janette, Mamarazzi and I started We Want to Know Wednesdays and we are all thrilled with the response! Thank you for participating, it has been fun getting to know you. This week the questions are brought to you from Mamarazzi and she wants to know...

{1} If you could choose a Super Power, what would it be? 

I would want to be a Wonder Twin. {Remember that cartoon? If you don't please do not leave me a comment telling me how much younger you are than me, I do not want to hear it!} I think a Wonder Twin would be perfect for me since I can never seem to make up my mind! Who wants to be my twin?

{2} What would be your first frivolous purchase if you were awarded a million dollars, tomorrow? 

Sadly, a million dollars doesn't go as far as it did ten years ago but I would definitely say I would put my million towards a beach house. We are total beach bums after all! This house far exceeds a million dollars and can be yours for the low, low price of $22,900,000! What to check it out, click the credit below the picture for all the details. 

{3} What would be the hardest current luxury for you to give up? 

Seat heaters and coolers in my car. I live in Florida so having cool air swirling around my ass when it's 105 outside is a real luxury. Seat heaters are perfect for me since I have a bad back, they feel wonderful on stiff days. I also love my heated steering wheel for the 32 days a year it's cold here. 

{4} If you were given a choice between being given great wisdom and great wealth, which would you choose? 

Definitely great wisdom! I hate feeling like I cannot carry my own in a serious conversation. I have a very mushy brain, more times than not I feel like Dory from Finding Nemo. My girls have figured out that they can use my lack of memory to their advantage..."Yes, Mom I did tell you I was going out tonight...DUH, like two days ago...Don't you remember?". Plus if I'm that smart I'm sure I'll figure out a way to acquire great wealth! 

{5} If you were to be stranded on a deserted island for 100 days what 5 THINGS would you pack? 

1. Lip gloss. I cannot go more than a few minutes without some thing on my lips. My favorite, Color Fever Gloss by Lancome in Hotness. The application brush is fabulous and the color is perfect, especially with a nice summer tan. {Lancome, you are more than welcome to send me products for a review!}. 

2. Sunscreen. I love a good tan but do not want the unnecessary bad rays harming my skin. Tan skin, yes. Leathery skin, no thank you! 

3. Bottled water. The thought of searching for fresh water is enough to scare the poop out of me! I am no Survivor contestant!

4. I know it says things, in all caps, but can I still say my husband and girls? The idea of going 100 days without them makes my stomach hurt. A few days, maybe, even a week or two would be nice but not 100 days. Can I arrange them to be dropped off?

5. A bathing suit and a razor. Yes, I know that's two things but I think most bathing suits should come with a razor so I'm saying they're one item. I want a bathing suit for obvious reasons and a razor for even more obvious reasons! There is no excuse to have hair in unflattering locations! I have an agreement with my triangle-if I am ever in a coma they will TCB. If I were to wake up and see a 1975 afro down south it would be enough to send me right back out! Clean that mess up girls no one wants to see your not so short and curlies! 

Thanks for sticking around and reading my madness. Make sure to come back and link up as soon as you answer the questions.  And like always, please link to all of the hostesses and remember to grab the button!  


Monday, May 16, 2011

Royally Funny!

I am well aware that I am a day late and a dollar short on this little funny but that just seems to be the way I roll lately...whatever!

I saw this comparison on FB the other day and found it to be almost as funny as the talking dog video {thanks Mimi!}. I know many of you have already seen this but I still feel the need to share.

Who doesn't remember Cinderella finding her Prince, getting married and living happily ever after?

 **A dream is a wish your heart makes** 

Cinderella was a beautiful bride, I never quite understood the black choker but she was still stunning! 

Is it just me or does it look like PC just educated his bride as to what a honeymoon is and then told her what he plans on doing just as soon as he sets out a few mouse traps! 

Cinderella was so beautiful, and Prince Charming was so well, charming, that I do believe the Royal Wedding Planner met with the artists over at Disney for a little inspiration for Price William and the future Queens look.  

When taking a look at Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenia it became very apparent that the artists from Disney were also working with the Royal Stylist for Prince Williams cousins. You know the ones, the not so popular daughters of one blackballed Duchess of York, turned diet spokesperson, turned alleged extortionist. 

Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenia or is it...

Anastasia and Drizella?

In my humble opinion the Royal Wedding Planner deserves kudos for a job well done and the Royal Stylist needs to have his or her fashion license taken away, immediately!

What do you think?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Insert clever title here


I confess...
Blogger was on my list this week when it took most of my comments with it when it went wherever it was that it disappeared to. My comments are important to me!

I confess...
Blogger leaving was a forced blogcation and was actually very nice. Kind of like
a cruise, forced relaxation while out to sea.

I confess...
As soon as I discovered Blogger was back my fingers started itching with anticipation. So now I sit in my hotel room typing away on Peanuts iPad while she and a friend watch Beastly.

I confess...
I'm happy that I had a blogcation. I'm happy Blogger's back. Hmmmm, I'm a little fickle aren't I?

I confess...
Peanuts softball team has a 2 day tournament, tomorrow and Sunday, and to avoid getting up at the crack of ass in the morning to make the 90 minute drive I booked a hotel for the weekend. I'm such a thinker!

I confess...
Over the next 2 days I will be sweating in places that a woman should never sweat, places I didn't even know it was to possible to sweat! Yes, thanks to Florida's humidity and temperatures in the mid 90's I will be redefining sexy!

Got Confessions? Go visit Galmazon and Mamarazzi,they'll hook ya up!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

What would you do for...

A great ass?

A great ass like this to be exact?

Would you go against the fashion Gods and wear these...

I'm not one to jump on band wagons. I am a wee bit cynical and do not like to wear things I feel less than fashionable especially if they are this hideous! My motto has always been sacrifice comfort for fashion, looking good can sometimes be painful. So when these shoes started showing up everywhere, even on the gorgeous Kim Kardashian, I just shook my head in complete disbelief! 

People let me educate you a little here. The only way to get an ass like hers is to A. be born with incredible genes and a super-charged metabolism or B. work for it. 

I unfortunately have neither good genes or the desire to work that hard. As a result I have an ass that has been mistaken a time or two for a large bowl of cottage cheese. My ass goes from upper thigh to shoulder blades. My ass could seriously use it's own zip code. When I back up I should have a beeper that warns people so they can avoid injury. Small children {mine and others} have been overheard in public restrooms saying, "you gots a big butt". You know what? I'm an almost 41 year old woman who no longer gives a shit! Instead of trying to eat less and move more I'm going to enroll in an origami class so I can learn how to fold my ass up and make it fit into my one size too small Miss Me jeans. Deal with it!

There I said it. Hello my name is Shawn and I have a big ass. I also think those shoes are ugly. U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi they're ugly! 

If you happen to be the proud owner of said shoes I will not apologize for my opinion. My intention is not to hurt your feelings I'm just trying to be a blessing and tell you to never wear them in public again. However, if you can prove to me that these shoes actually work I will be more than happy to purchase a pair and wear them proudly in public along with a sign that says "I was wrong, these shoes rock my ass, just like *insert your name here* said they would."

This has been my two cents on fashion, take it for what it's worth. You.Are.Welcome!

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