TTUT ~ I'm sorry...you just what?

It's Talk To Us Tuesday which just so happens to be my favorite day to blog! It's also the only day I've been blogging lately since my schedule has been so insane, I know I suck but something has to take the back seat when I'm running in a million different directions. 

I really hope this story reads as good as it tells, not that I've told it to anyone of course. If you don't find this ridiculously funny let me know and I'll call you to tell it to you live or send someone to check for a pulse.


Last Wednesday I volunteered at Peanuts school. I worked the "Hawk Store" with 4 other Moms, three of these woman I had never met before. One Mom, the one that was running the show, was a bit eager for me, a bit too "PTA/Soccer Mom" for my taste {no disrespect to my PTA/soccer mom friends! }. She just fit so nicely into that, unfair stereotypical box I couldn't help but set her in it. Sorry.


She left briefly to go "do her time in the band room" but promised to come back to check on us before she left for the day. I was super relieved as I wasn't sure I could continue counting those Hawk Bucks and giving the kids their appropriate item without her assistance. 


Shorty after her return and my repeated reassurance that there was no need for her to give me her cell number just in case I found myself "in a pickle" she set off to leave. Before she could make it all the way around she stopped short, took in a sharp breath and placed her hand on her stomach. I let that go unnoticed because I really didn't care I didn't want to draw attention to her and risk embarrassing her. Within seconds she did the same thing but a little more exaggeration so I took the bait, as did the other Mom, and asked if she was ok. She looked at me with panic in her eyes, like a deer looking head-on into the headlights of an 18 wheeler, shook her head yes and continued her good-bye for another 3-4 seconds until she drew in a sharp breath, let out a mild moan, bent over at the waist and gripped the table. The other Mom and I looked at each other and asked her again if she was ok, she was so dramatic I thought her appendix had just burst. 


Are you ready for it?


Oh please tell me you're ready! 


Nothing's in your mouth, you're not eating are you?


OK


She turned her head to us, all while holding her stomach and leaning over the table and said, and I quote, "I took a laxative and just lost my bowels".


What?


Oh the hell you say!


Did this woman just tell two strangers that she had just shit herself while on the stage of the middle school cafeteria? 


I thought perhaps I had heard her wrong but upon watching her run her hand down the cheek of her ass and into her crack and then back in front of her to see if there was anything on her hand I stood reassured that I did in fact just hear a grown woman, one that I had just met, say "I took a laxative and just lost my bowels"!


I instantly switched to a mouth breather, if I had smelled anything I would have lost it, then proceeded to stand there with the most ridiculous look on my face, totally motionless and speechless. For once I had nothing. Really, what's the proper response to that? Yes, yes you did just loose your bowels and as a matter of fact I think I found them running down the leg of your high waisted, stone-washed jeans. 


She checked for evidence once again with her hand, which sent a wave of nausea through my body, before doing her best to lower the straps of her backpack purse to help shield the prying eyes of the 150 13 year olds that were in the same room as her and made a bee-line for her car.


Maybe it' just me but I would have never....


* Taken a laxative anytime before having to be at my kids school.
* Hung around any longer than a nano second after the first feeling of movement had I gone against my better judgement and taken a laxative.
* Admitted to 2 strangers that I had just shit in my big girl panties! 


Ladies heres just a little piece of friendship advice for ya...


Pooping your pants is no way to make new friends! 


What piece of advice do you have for us today? Link up with me and IA and let us know.